France has been gripped by a wave of emotion following the tragic case of Lyhanna, an 11-year-old girl whose disappearance and death have taken a harrowing turn with revelations about the main suspect. The man, Jérôme B., was known to the victim through his daughter, who was Lyhanna’s friend. He had been the subject of multiple reports and complaints for sexual violence against minors, having a clean criminal record.
The tragedy has cast a harsh spotlight on a common childhood ritual: the sleepover. Lyhanna’s mother had previously told BFMTV that she had asked her daughter to stop seeing the man after a sleepover he hosted earlier this year at his home in Montestruc-sur-Gers, from which the girl returned reporting that he had given her “tickles.” This detail, and another similar case reported by Le Monde in April, has left many parents asking a painful question: should sleepovers be banned?
The Danger Is Not the Sleepover, It’s the Impunity
Aude Doumenge, Advocacy and Communications Officer for the association Face à l’Inceste (Facing Incest), argues that the focus on the activity itself misses the point. “I completely understand this anxiety, which we also see in other sectors like after-school programs,” she told Le HuffPost. “ it is not up to the child, or their parents, to live in fear. It is not up to them to adapt to a system where aggressors enjoy impunity.”
Doumenge explains that while there are no specific statistics on sleepovers as a modus operandi, an aggressor will find a way. The presence of minors within the intimacy of a home can trigger an assault. The core issue, she insists, is a systemic failure. “The Lyhanna case shows us very clearly: there is a real dysfunction in justice system, due to a lack of resources, but also at the level of judicial culture. The child’s word is not taken into consideration.”
Teaching Consent, Not Fear
Rather than isolating children by forbidding them from participating in normal social activities, Doumenge advocates for a proactive and empowering approach rooted in education.
“The solution is not to isolate the child by forbidding them from going to a sleepover,” she states. “On the other hand, it is imperative that parents familiarize them from a very young age with the notion of consent.” This includes teaching children that:
- The boundaries of their body are important.
- They have the right to say “no.”
- A secret can be unhealthy.
- Certain private parts of their body should not be touched.
- If they are touched inappropriately, they must immediately tell a trusted adult. “These are the basics that will allow the child to defend themselves, but also to denounce the facts and free their voice to an adult who believes and protects them,” Doumenge says. “This is also how we can end the impunity of aggressors.”
For a parent whose child reports inappropriate behavior after a sleepover, the first response is critical. Doumenge advises parents to physically get down to the child’s level, listen to what they are saying, and immediately reassure them by stating clearly: “I believe you, and I will protect you.” The next steps are to file a police report and to offer the child psychological support. Immediate care is vital to prevent what is known as dissociative amnesia. “A child’s brain is still too immature to understand the gravity of what are experiencing. So it will bury it in its memory,” Doumenge explains. “But memory remains, and can resurface twenty years, in a very violent way. Whereas if we tell the child that can talk, that we will believe and protect them, this helps to heal the trauma.” The tragedy also underscores a critical, often overlooked reality: the vast majority of child sexual violence occurs within the family circle. In France, incest affects an estimated seven million victims—a figure representing three children in a typical classroom of thirty. “When we highlight these figures, we understand that we are either a victim, or close to a victim of incest,” Doumenge states. To reverse this trend, she says parental vigilance must be paired with education on consent and respect for one’s own body and that of others. This means reminding children that no one has the right to see them naked, touch their private parts, or get into their bed. The goal is to establish a climate of safety where the child knows they can speak and be believed. As over 180 gatherings were planned across France on Monday evening to pay tribute to Lyhanna, associations including Face à l’Inceste are demanding concrete action. They are calling for the scheduling of a comprehensive, cross-party law in the parliamentary calendar, co-developed with a coalition of associations and over 110 deputies. The proposed legislation contains 140 measures to create a complete and exemplary policy for children and women who are victims of sexual violence.Looking Beyond the Stranger Danger Myth
